Clive Staples Lewis, better known as C.S. Lewis, was born in Belfast, Ireland, on November 29, 1898. His grandfather, Richard Lewis, moved to Ireland from Wales during the mid-19th century.
Lewis had his first encounter with grief when he was just four years old and his dog “Jacksie” was crushed to death by a car. Lewis, an innocent and loving child, took the name “Jacksie” and refused to be addressed by any other name. He eventually adopted the moniker “Jack,” which became his nickname for the entirety of his life.
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Growing up, Lewis was deeply interested in anthropomorphic animals, Norse and Greek mythology, as well as Irish literature. His developing preoccupation with mythical animals was mostly sparked by Beatrix Potter’s tales, which inspired him to create and illustrate his own animal tales. A few years down the line, this blooming preoccupation would give rise to the creation of one of the most significant and influential pieces in children’s literature – “The Chronicles of Narnia“.
Lewis developed a lifelong love and habit of reading from an early age. He got access to a wide range of genres in his father’s home, which was stocked with books. He later recalled saying, “Finding something to read was as easy as walking into a field and finding a new blade of grass.”
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Following the demise of his mother due to cancer, he was sent to England by his father at the age of 9 to live and study there. During his time as a college student at Campbell College, he had to leave after a few months due to his breathing difficulties.
Interestingly, it was common knowledge that C.S. Lewis idolized and respected W.B. Yeats, largely because of the poet’s usage of Ireland’s Celtic roots. He found Yeats to be a writer he could identify with and thought that Yeats’ works were frequently overlooked and undervalued by his contemporaries.
A Grief Observed
Lewis, who was in his fifties, wrote and connected with Joy Davidman Gresham, an American author of Jewish heritage who had converted from atheism to Christianity upon meeting Lewis. She fled to England with her two sons from her alcoholic, violent, and cheating husband, author William L. Gresham. Initially, Lewis only viewed Joy as a good-natured close friend who shared his academic interests and his intellectual level and had a profound understanding of him and his affinity for literature.
And because of this growing companionship, Lewis offered to enter into a civil marriage contract with her, which would enable her to continue living in England along with her two sons. Lewis’s brother Warren commented on their marriage, saying, “For Jack, the attraction was at first undoubtedly intellectual.” Joy was the only woman whom he had met … who had a brain which matched his own in suppleness, in width of interest, and in analytical grasp, and above all in humour and a sense of fun.”
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Soon after, Joy faced a life-threatening bone cancer diagnosis. In the meantime, as their bond strengthened, they felt motivated to marry each other. She had just been divorced; consequently, the Church of England regarded her remarriage as being unconventional. However, on March 21, 1957, a friend, the Reverend Peter Bide, officiated the ceremony at her hospital bed in Churchill Hospital.
Joy briefly recovered, and the pair and Lewis’ older brother Warren Lewis lived together as a family until 1960 when Joy’s cancer resurfaced, and she passed away on July 13 of that year.
Soon after losing his wife to cancer, Lewis wrote the book “A Grief Observed”, in which he addresses and recounts his encounter with grief and loss in such a heart-rending, intimate, and insightful way that he originally released it under the nom de plume “N.W. Clerk” to prevent anyone from recognizing and linking the book with him. The letter “H” repeatedly appears throughout the book. Lewis uses his wife’s seldom used maiden name, Helen, to refer to her. After the passing of his wife on July 13, 1960, Lewis was only able to live for three years until he succumbed to renal disease. With the executors’ approval, the real name of the book’s author was brought to light after his passing.
The four sections of “A Grief Observed” chart Lewis’ emotional, mental, and overall journey following his wife’s passing and his encounters with grief.
Quotes about Bereavement, Grief and Sorrow from “A Grief Observed”
1. “The death of a beloved is an amputation.” – C.S. Lewis
An amputation is the loss of one’s part of the body, such as an arm or a leg. It is either surgically cut off or has been severed in an accident. From the words alone, it is not hard to guess that this is an extremely gruelling and taxing life event which can render a person physically or perhaps even mentally incapacitated.
Lewis, who was grieving the death of his wife, penned these lines as he dealt with the emotionally analogous process of becoming an amputee. He also believed that everyone who loses a loved one undergoes the same experience.
2. “The act of living is different all through. Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.” – C.S. Lewis
When a loved one passes away, everything changes. It’s imperative to accept that your life will alter drastically and that you won’t be able to go a day without thinking about the person you lost. You will be reminded of them by everything—every action and every emotion. It might be challenging to fully overcome the act of instinctively associating them with everything that transpires in your life. The loss will never fade away, much like the sky. The sky now represents a core part of your existence, but you must learn to look past it and carry on with your own life.
3. “I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process.” – C.S. Lewis
Bereavement, sorrow, and grief are never merely states of being. It is a life-changing event and a continual and gradual process that can both break you and mould you into an entirely new person. The process that follows after losing a loved one pushes your mental and physical strength. Although the eventual end of this process only occurs with your demise, you should never be stagnant in this process.
4. “Feelings, and feelings, and feelings. Let me try thinking instead.” – C.S. Lewis
Lewis is exhausted with his feelings taking over his life. He accurately recognizes the impediment brought on by overwhelming feelings. Feelings have the immense power of distorting factual events and turning them into something completely different, which can lead to even more undesirable and overwhelming feelings. We should be able to accurately recognize and narrow down the detrimental effect that feelings have had on us and do everything in our power to use our brains and think rationally as much as possible in order to see facts for what they truly are.
5. “Grief … gives life a permanently provisional feeling. It doesn’t seem worth starting anything. I can’t settle down. I yawn, I fidget, and I smoke too much. Up till this, I always had too little time. Now there is nothing but time. Almost pure time, empty successiveness.” – C.S. Lewis
The bereaved must face life’s realities after the loss of a loved one. The forlorn realizes that everything in this world is transitory and that all sentient beings have an end. Nothing will feel the same when the time we spend with our loved ones is over. The seemingly inexhaustible time we have on our hands is burdensome. Grief often transforms into the early stages of depression. The grieving does not have the motivation to move on with their lives. This emotion discourages and precludes them from pursuing anything. Since they know that there is nothing they can do to bring their loved ones back, every action feels hollow.
6. “We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, ‘Blessed are they that mourn,’ and I accept it. I’ve got nothing that I hadn’t bargained for. Of course, it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.” – C.S. Lewis
In this book, Lewis frequently expresses his righteous indignation toward God. While he is left without his beloved wife, he feels enraged and envious of people who get to carry on living their lives with their loved ones. In this quote, Lewis conveys his outrage.
We are often told that forming a strong bond with a loved one comes with a high price. The greater the attachment you have to a loved one, the greater the grief will be when they pass away. But while you are with your loved ones and haven’t yet lost them, all of this seems acceptable. You begin to wonder about the absurdity and logic of those sentences as soon as you lose them.
7. “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.” – C.S. Lewis
In this book, Lewis often describes his physical and emotional symptoms of the process of bereavement. The incessant yawning, the restlessness, the palpitations, the gushing, and many more are symptoms of both fear and grief. The words in this book are candid, unfiltered, and result from the negligence of what other people may think. He has poured his heart into this book and has displayed and documented every aspect of his bereavement, including every single feeling, thought, and action.
8. “I see people, as they approach me, trying to make up their minds whether they’ll ‘say something about it or not. I hate if they do and if they don’t.” – C.S. Lewis
These words perfectly reflect the essence of human nature. We are repeatedly encouraged to be strong and independent and to refrain from seeking others’ assistance. We underestimate the fact that people are hard-wired to want to be loved, be seen, and coexist in society. After the demise of his wife, Lewis went through what every bereaved person goes through. He wanted to talk about his loss and his pain, but he also wanted to avoid doing so. While he wanted others to be there for him through his trying times, he also did not want to owe them anything in return for their support.
9. “Bereavement is a universal and integral part of our experience of love.” – C.S. Lewis
Lewis most correctly acknowledges bereavement, or the loss of a loved one, as a necessary aspect of life. Death is an inevitable force, and no one can outrun it. We must realize that death is as necessary as birth and embrace the fact that it has to transpire at some point. What hurts the most is losing a loved one unexpectedly and without having had much time to be with them. Bereavement was never the opposite of love. It is a critical element of love.
10. “Aren’t all these notes the senseless writings of a man who won’t accept the fact that there is nothing we can do with suffering except to suffer it?” – C.S. Lewis
Lewis still doubts his sanity and whether he is making any sense after penning his views down and expressing himself with the utmost candour. He wonders whether he is just a grief-stricken man who will never be able to accept that his wife is now gone and that there is absolutely no chance that he can bring her back to life. He feels hopeless and vulnerable and perceives it as an endless form of torture. His one and only desire were to be reunited with his beloved wife, and three years after her demise, this dream was granted.
11. “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”- C.S. Lewis
In our lifetimes, as humans, we experience losses of various kinds and magnitudes. While some of these losses are little and barely register, others are significant and cause great pain. The loss of a loved one through death or divorce, infidelity in a committed partnership, or loss of excellent health following a terminal illness diagnosis are examples of experiences that come with painful consequences. Each time there is a loss, there is pain and sadness experienced, and a wound emotionally is made that needs to be healed.
12. “The death of a beloved is an amputation.”- C.S. Lewis
We are never ready for the changes that will occur in our life as a result of the loss of a loved one. The loss of a loved one is something that no family member in this world wants to experience. we need to be resilient and ready to go forward, managing our emotions and feelings after receiving the news is crucial. Since our families are all we truly have in life, they will always be the most significant item we have.
13. “Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.”- C.S. Lewis
But that is not entirely true. I can’t help but think of her absence at one particular localised location. By my own body, I mean. When it was the body of H.’s lover, it took on a completely other significance. It now resembles a deserted home.
14. “We cannot understand. The best is perhaps what we understand least.”- C.S. Lewis
Psychology can help you comprehend not only who you are, but also other people. You improve your ability to deal with situations and people. You can communicate more effectively, which enables you to influence, encourage, and assist more people. You can motivate and manage individuals using psychological principles. You also develop your capacity for making decisions. You make an effort to control and comprehend how you can affect other people.
15. “It is hard to have patience with people who say, ‘There is no death’ or ‘Death doesn’t matter.’ There is death. And whatever is matters. And whatever happens has consequences, and it and they are irrevocable and irreversible. You might as well say that birth doesn’t matter.”- C.S. Lewis
When all that is left in your soul is a call for help, that may be precisely the moment when God is unable to respond; you are analogous to the drowning man who cannot be saved because he grasps and clings. Maybe your own repeated cries have made you deaf to the voice you were hoping to hear. its easy for someone to pass judgement and make comment, but there are many facts that can’t be denied.